I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
