Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
