strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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