We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
