I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
