I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i drank out of a bidet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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