Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
