I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
