just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
