oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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