I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
