At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
