Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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