The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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