The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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