Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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