I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
