Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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