all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
