I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize