No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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