Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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