i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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