somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
