he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
