I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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