carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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