And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
