Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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