No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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