I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
