Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
