2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
