i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
