I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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