a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
