Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
