I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
