Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
