You're so nebulous sometimes
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
