His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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