I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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