everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
where does the pee come out of this thing
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
