You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
bring money and cleavage
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
