I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
