im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
