woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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