It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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