More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
