it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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