Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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