iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
