I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available