My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.