There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?