Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going