omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
