The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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