WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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