70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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