Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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