well I can't set my house on fire every night
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
