WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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