I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
