My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
