The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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