Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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