You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
